Becky's Testimony || seeing differently

My life has undergone a massive change these past six months. I was so blessed to have been given the opportunity to grow up with Christian parents. I guess I have always believed in the bible and knew in my heart that it was true,

but I've learned there is a big difference between believing something and having faith in someone.

Although I never doubted who Jesus was, I never saw him or committed myself to him the way I now do. I enjoyed being my own boss and living my life the way I saw fit, yet always feeling convicted for the choices I was making and the things I was doing. So I'd end up sporadically going to church, hoping for a life changing experience to free me from this double life. The feeling I had leaving each time was great, but it never lasted. The feeling would fade because it wasn't based on something deeper, and as the days went on I'd slip back into my old life.

I guess I had been praying that God would bring someone into my life that I could do the journey with - someone who could walk alongside me and encourage me in the faith. God answered my prayers in Rico [Ricardo]. When Rico became a bigger part of my life, something changed. As he pursued me I recognised God was pursuing me as well. It's not about feelings, but I could sense God's presence and his joy when I was at church and at life group. We started reading and studying the bible regularly, and as we learnt more about Jesus we felt an overwhelming happiness.

I saw Jesus differently. I saw me differently. And something just felt right.

I began to really understand the gospel and how I had to respond. He died as a sacrifice for the sins of men, taking my sin upon himself, so that I can know God. He took away my punishment so that when that day comes, when I stand before God the Father, he will see me as pure and innocent.

Now I'm definitely not perfect, but through God's grace I am forgiven and changing, with the sure promise of spending eternity with Jesus.

I am constantly reminded of his Grace as I struggle with the flesh and dump my problems on him through prayer - it is extremely humbling. But now I don't just believe stuff about Jesus, I have faith in him as my Saviour.

I remember going to churches in London and really feeling and hearing the passion of the songs those Christians sang. For some reason I remember longing to put my hands in the air like they did as a sign of surrender and freedom, but I felt silly and undeserving. Something so simple was really holding me back. But I cannot explain the feeling that took over me when I finally surrendered to God and put my hands in the air for the first time. It was an overwhelming feeling of joy and love, and public declaration that I wanted my whole life to praise God. 

My family has been an amazing support to me through all this, and especially my sister Erin and her husband. I certainly wouldn't be standing up here without their ministry and mentoring. But tonight is about Jesus.  Jesus I believe in you I want to live in all of your ways. And since coming to this realisation, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, I finally understand!

Life makes sense.