Top tips for meeting people

also called 'How to meet people without being creepy'...

It was just over three years ago that I first came to ashgrove. As soon as the final song ended, a girl turned around from the row in front and said hello to me. After that simple greeting, I was asked out for coffee, introduced to other people, and went home feeling warmly welcomed into the ashgrove community.

These days, I like to keep an eye out for new people and try to provide them with a similar warm welcome. But every time I make my way over to greet someone, I start to get nervous. I break out in a cold sweat, my smile turns slightly manic, and I start desperately hoping that somebody else will reach them first. And it seems my reaction is not unusual (except perhaps for the manic smiling) - many of us find talking to strangers a difficult and daunting experience. But never fear, I've found a few tips to help reduce your stress and boost your confidence for next time you spot a newbie...

Do...

Smile - Chances are, the person you are about to welcome is feeling just as nervous as you. Smiling and being friendly can help put them at ease, and go a long way in making them feel welcome.

Ask questions - What do they like to do? What sort of things have they done in their lives? What brought them to ashgrove? Just be sure it doesn't feel like an interrogation.

Listen - This is the most important part of any conversation. Pay attention to what is being said. Don't worry about what to ask next, just listen to what they are saying at the time.

Know when the conversation is over - Even the best conversations come to an end. Smile if you are leaving, or offer to introduce them to some other people.

Remember - Although not an easy task, being able to remember someone's name is a simple way of making them feel welcomed. Scribble it on your life@ashgrove, put it in your phone, use it in the conversation, or even try thinking of someone famous with the same name.

Be yourself - If you come across as relaxed and confident, the more relaxed and comfortable they will be talking to you.

Issue an invitation - Heading to the courtyard to get a cuppa? Invite them to come too. Invite them to join a bigger conversation, to join a lifegroup, or to go grab a bite.

Don't...

Don't panic over lulls - Don't panic if there is a lull in the conversation because you don't immediately have another question ready. Smile and identify a new topic to talk about. If in doubt, offer to tell them more about ashgrove, or suggest they fill in a contact card.

Don't ask them if they are 'new' - It can be very awkward to ask if someone is new, only to find out they have been coming for years (something I learnt the hard way!). Instead try asking 'how long have you been coming to ashgrove?'

Procrastinate or presume  - don't put off going over to say hello in the hope that someone else will. Put on a smile and just walk over. Who knows, they may end up being a lifelong friend.

Don't be creepy - Ask appropriate questions (finding out their exact address without any reason can be off-putting). Consider their personal space. Let them leave the conversation if they want too.